Endless Parenting Struggles: When adult children rebel

A new question popped up recently from a concerned parent regarding her newly troubled adult son. Dr. Foster Cline gives his expert advice in regards to helping these parents deal with the situation.

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Question:
I have a 21 year old son.  His dad and I have not been together since he was 3.  He has always been a good boy and respectful. Now that he is living on his own, he is very verbally abusive. He does not want anything to do with his dad or I.  We have tried everything to get him to let us help him.  But he is just so mean and hateful. I feel he is crying out.  But will not let us do anything except he wants money from us.  Please help us help him. Kim

Transitions from Pediatrics to Adults: A Brave, New World

After beginning our Transition blog series, we received a question from a reader telling us about her experience going from a pediatric clinic to an adult clinic. This patient explains to us her common concern that so many others experience - Lisa Greene responds with some very helpful advice.

Question:

"I was 19 when I transitioned and it was a huge shock. My peds doctors were amazing, my mom was usually with me but even then my peds doc spoke directly to me and helped prepare me for what was coming. She took so much interest in my life outside of CF (cystic fibrosis) as well (she knew that what was going on at home affected my CF).

Transitioning to the adult clinic was awful. I felt that my new doctor didn’t care about me as a person and that I was just another patient to her...I’m naturally a shy person and after that first disaster of an appointment, I just retreated into myself. After a few more appointments, we have slowly started to get to know each other and I’ve relaxed a bit more, but its still not the same. I still have the feeling that I’m such an inconvenience to her...and it really kills me every doctor’s appointment. My peds docs were like family...and I was hoping that my adult doctor would be the same, especially since I’m always up there and always having to deal with them. Any advice? "

Cystic Fibrosis Food Struggles: How do you get your children to eat enough?

A mother recently contacted us about getting her 19 month old daughter with cystic fibrosis to raise her calorie intake.

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Question: Are your CFer's picky eaters? My daughter who is almost 19 months has cystic fibrosis but the only problem she has is that she doesn’t eat well. So, we have to give her Pediasure to make sure she is getting enough calories. I wish that she would eat better but she doesn’t so the Pediasure is necessary for the time being. And I am tired of being viewed as the lazy parent who doesn’t want to make her child eat. If this is something you have experienced, how have you handled it? – NE

Once a Parent, Always a Parent: When Adult Children with Chronic Illness Make Bad Life Choices

A mom writes in to us and shares her story about her adult daughter who has diabetes.

Question: My husband and I are struggling with our now 22 year old daughter who has had type 1 diabetes since age six. Your book was recommended to me. I wish we'd had this information years ago. I can now see where we played right into the hostile dependent lifestyle by trying so hard to make her feel normal. I feel like a failure. I recognize that she is falling prey to "victimization," seems to think we are her biggest enemies who are only seeking to cause her unhappiness, and is overly dependent on relationships with the wrong type of young men. She is so "confused," she can't seem to separate good intentions from bad. Please direct me how to help her or what to do. Thank you so much. Your book opened my eyes to the problem, and I'm praying it's not too late. - CT

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Helping Children Through Difficult Medical Procedures at Home

As some of you may know, Dr. Foster Cline and I (Lisa Greene) have an "Ask Dr. Cline Q&A" section on our website. Here we have parents submit their questions for "real life" advice on both every day ordeals and out-of-no-where experiences. Below we discuss an issue with a concerned grandparent on the struggle of medical treatment adherence.

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Question: My 7-year-old granddaughter had an appendicostomy about a month and a half ago. We are challenged with the protocol each night that requires inserting a tube into the belly button and using a feeding bag enema, solution is inserted and she sits for one hour to produce a bowel movement.  This procedure will allow her colon to shrink to normal size and she will hopefully, someday be able to have normal function. This should take anywhere from 4mos to 2yrs. I can't even imagine the long road ahead.

My question is: she fights us tooth and nail each night, takes three people to hold her down for a 10 second procedure to insert the tube. The rest of the protocol goes smoothly. We have tried empathy, rewards, and have exhausted all avenues. Any suggestions? She is very smart and knows all about this and understands, but still puts up a violent fight.  Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.