Resilience Through Adversity: Gaining strength from life's hardships

Last week I attended a conference held by a pharmaceutical company for leaders in the bleeding disorder community. Many of the leaders were parents of a child with a bleeding disorder such as hemophilia or von Willebrand’s. Others had the diseases themselves and all were learning how to "tell their stories" in order to mentor and inspire others living with the disease. These folks came from many different backgrounds including ethnicities, geographical locations, and socio-economic situations. Yet, we were all bound by two things in common: our resilience in the face of medical adversity and our passion to help others cope well. It was an amazing experience.

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While working toward my masters degree, I was reading from a Walsh’s text “Strengthening Family Resilience” at the time of the conference. Everything that I was reading I was witnessing right in front of my eyes. For example, on page 7 she says: “As researchers have discovered, resilience is forged through adversity not despite it. Life crises and hardship can bring out the best in us as we rise to meet the challenges.” She quotes a study on resilient adults by Higgins (1994) that showed they “became more substantial because they were sorely tested, endured suffering, and emerged with strengths they might not have developed otherwise. They experienced things more deeply and intensely, and placed a heightened value on life. Often this became a wellspring for social activism, a commitment to helping others overcome their adversities; in turn they experienced further growth through these efforts." This was clearly apparent in the eyes and the hearts of the courageous and amazing people I met within the bleeding disorder community -  these are amazing people…

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Lisa C. Greene is the mother of two children with cystic fibrosis, a certified parent coach, parenting educator, and public speaker. She is also the co-author with Foster Cline, MD of the award-winning Love and Logic® book “Parenting Children with Health Issues.”  For free audio, articles and other resources, visit www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com. 

Counting Life's Unexpected Blessings

Isn't it interesting to look back over our lives and see where the twists and turns of the unexpected change the course of it?  Life just doesn't always work out as planned. Yet, I would have never discovered my purpose if it weren't for my two children being born with cystic fibrosis. It's amazing what adversity can bring when you give life a chance.

It all started thirteen years ago when the words: "I am sorry but your son has cystic fibrosis" became etched in my heart.  At the time, in the depth of my shock, fear and grief, I had no idea that this experience would propel me to become an author, public speaker and advocate for children living with chronic illness.

I have never been one to seek publicity or a spotlight. In fact, public speaking, like most people, was one of my very least favorite things to do. But, through the course of having two kids with CF and needing to learn how to parent them effectively (their very lives depend on it), I am now a public speaker and writer who shares what I've learned through years of study, research, and personal experience.  

I love what I do. Not because of the spotlight, which I am still somewhat uncomfortable being in at times, but because of the help and hope that I am able to offer others as they travel down their own path of raising a child with medical issues.

Even though the road is hard at times, we can all take comfort in the fact that unexpected challenges in life can bring us unexpected blessings if we are willing partners in this journey called "Life".

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Lisa C. Greene is the mother of two children with cystic fibrosis, a certified parent coach, parenting educator, and public speaker. She is also the co-author with Foster Cline, MD of the award-winning Love and Logic® book “Parenting Children with Health Issues.”  For free audio, articles and other resources, visit www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com. 

CF PARENTS: Register for Lisa's upcoming teleclass called "Winning with CF" starting on February 1, 2012. For information and registration, visit www.WinningWithCF.com.

Chronic Illness: When Two Stories Unite

As I (Lisa) travel around the country, I love connecting with people. I did a talk for a hemophilia organization and met a man with an interesting point of view about his illness.

I noticed him when we were waiting in line to register. He was a tall, older, African-American man with a certain grace about him despite a limp and a cane. He was dressed in lots of clothes including an overcoat; uncharacteristic for mild San Diego. But it was cold and rainy that day. He had a wide, toothy smile that lit up his whole face as he heartily greeted the volunteers working the registration table.  

Sitting down to eat some breakfast, he asked if he could join my daughter and I. "Of course!" I reply. After the typical pleasantries, I asked him, "So what brings you here to this conference?" "I have hemophilia and I am finally coming out of denial." "Oh?" I ask, "What do you mean?"

And he proceeded to tell me about how he'd been meaning to come to this conference for years but just couldn't face the fact that he had hemophilia. Finally, due to bad health, he couldn't ignore it any longer and had decided to get support. He was tired of doing it alone.

"You see," he explained, "I am one of seven children. And I tried to keep up with all of my brothers and sisters. I didn't want them to see me as weak or sick so I just basically shoved the fact that I have hemophilia into the back of my mind. I did the bare minimum to take care of myself but I've lived a life that now I am paying for. I hope others don't make the same mistakes."

I explained to him that I was there to talk with parents about raising children with hemophilia and I asked if he had any wisdom to share, if there was anything he wished his parents had done differently.

"I wish they would have taught me and my siblings about my hemophilia, talked about it openly within the family. The whole family was in denial. It's like my hemophilia didn't exist. So I didn't learn how to take care of myself and I didn't learn how to cope with it well. And now I am paying the price.  My life is kind of a mess right now. I am searching for answers and meaning."

I encouraged him that sometimes we just don't know where the turns in the road of life will take us and that by telling his story, he will help others and perhaps find meaning himself. Because we are our stories and we all have a story to tell. He seemed stunned as though the thought hadn't occurred to him.

A tall black man and a short white gal- two hearts and two stories connecting for a moment in time. I hope that I made a difference in his life like he did in mine.

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Lisa C. Greene is the mother of two children with cystic fibrosis, an author and national public speaker. She wrote the award-winning book “Parenting Children with Health Issues” with Foster Cline, MD and published by Love and Logic. For more information, see www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com.

Part One: Sympathy Trumps Reason: How Feelings Can Cause Ineffective Parenting Responses

At a recent workshop for parents of children with cystic fibrosis, I (Lisa) was talking with a nurse about kids who will do the craziest things to get attention.

She told me about a little boy who was about three years old and admitted to the hospital. Sadly (and for reasons unknown to me), his parents were unable to be there, so this little boy was basically on his own with the hospital staff.  In case you don't know, hospitals generally do not have the staffing to keep someone in the room full-time with a child. They do what they can with nurse visits, volunteers, and child life specialists but there are times when the child will be alone.

So, this little boy was in his own room, hooked up to lots of monitors and also needed oxygen to breath properly (I do not know the specifics of his medical condition). 

As the nurse tells the story:

"I had just checked on him and he was doing fine so I went to check on my other patients. All of the sudden, I heard "Code" over the intercom and it was my little patient!

So, I ran into the room along with the resuscitation team and discovered that his oxygen tube was disconnected. His lips were blue. So, we fixed him right up and he was fine. I spent some time with him to make sure he was doing okay but then I needed to attend to my other patients so I told him I'd be back soon and left.

About a minute later, you guessed it, "Code!" I ran into the room and there he was: sitting in bed, tubing unplugged, blue lips, and a great big smile on his face. Hmmmm. Now, I am starting to get suspicious. I re-hooked up the oxygen and tried to make sure there was no way he could unhook it accidently. Then, I left. And yes, minutes later came the code.

That little stinker was unhooking his oxygen tube! He figured out that when he did, people came running. At three years of age! I couldn't believe it. So, he got his wish. We set up full-time monitoring when he was awake with volunteers and assistants. Poor little guy, you could hardly blame him, really. I felt bad that he was there all alone and apparently, he did, too!"

This is a great example of how far kids (and some adults, too) will go to get attention. Even negative attention is better than no attention.

So parents, it's important to give your kids enough attention so that their little "love cups" are full and they don't have to act out to get you to notice them.  Even just fifteen or twenty minutes of undivided attention each day can make a difference. This of course applies to siblings of children with special needs, too.

Be sure to look into their little eyes, give them plenty of touch and hugs, and really listen to what they are saying. Be engaged, interested, and responsive. You'll be building a bond a bond that will last for a lifetime.

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